Things my children say when we're out in Public

At Wal-Mart I was walking VERY slowly, trying to maneuver a cart and 2 kids. Aurora, frustrated with our slow pace, said:
"Mommy, I don't think you're gonna make it to Thursday. I mean, I think you're gonna have this baby right now!"

At Wal-Mart, Ryan saw an elderly woman in one of those electric chair carts. To my horror, in his loudest voice he said:
"Mommy, why does SHE need that cart? Can't she walk just like you?"

At LifeWay, as we were dropping off Rob's lunch, Ryan had to go to the bathroom. On our way back out of the store--as we were passing the largest group of customers in the store--Ryan started thinking out loud:
"Mommy, I don't think Jesus made any aliens. If He made aliens, then that would mean that Aurora would be scared and Jesus loves Aurora so He wouldn't make anything to scare her."

Now, I don't know how to explain where these thoughts came from. I don't know what goes on in my children's heads. I'm just so grateful to God that they have such solid minds; that they think so much and that they are so intelligent as to come up with some of this great stuff! I mean, think of all the stories I'll get to tell at their weddings!

We're home now and we [barely] survived our outing. I think we might have to cut these outings down to once a month, though. I just don't think my cheeks can handle the blushing heat much more often than that.

Prodromal Labor

I've only got 3 more days left of this pregnancy. On Thursday, at 5:30 a.m., Rob and I are to arrive at the hospital for my scheduled induction! At my appointment this past week, I was measured and baby was measured and my OB was finally in agreement that I should be induced. He measured the baby at 7.5 lbs. I think she's already beyond 8 lbs, but what do I know? I'm just the one carrying her around. My goal is to avoid another 9 lbs baby. Because of the way babies gain weight in the last month of pregnancy, if this baby is 7.5 lbs at 37 weeks, she would be a 10 lbs baby if I went over my due date!!! I'm not birthing a 10 lbs baby!

I have been having contractions since about 33 weeks. They are not getting "stronger, longer and closer together", so it's not really something that I could go to Labor & Delivery about just yet. They would send me home until my contractions are closer together. It's not false labor, either, since the contractions have a definite pattern. They are every 9-15 minutes apart and some of them hurt like a champ!

It's ok, though, because it has been making me dilate and efface and that's what a woman who is about to have a baby wants to hear! I have been induced with all my pregnancies and think it would be lovely to go into labor on my own, but I don't see that happening here. My body just doesn't know how to get beyond this Latent Labor, otherwise known as Prodromal Labor (real labor that doesn't progress).

In the meantime, it is 4:45 a.m. and I am up with these contractions, along with all the other late-pregnancy discomforts. I'm tired, restless, I'm feeling very awkward and heavy, and I can't wait to hold this baby in my arms.

Mostly because it will mean that she will no longer be a part of my body!!!

Ryan and His Babies

I haven't been sleeping well at night. The newest baby (who is yet to be born) is keeping me up all night long. So this morning when I had to get the kids to school, I had a little bit of a short fuse. Both kids were cold and tired, too, and it was quite the combination.

All day yesterday, I was shopping for the kids' Christmas presents and for the last baby supplies we needed. Rob went out with me in the morning and my friend, Lynn, went out baby shopping with me in the evening. While Lynn and I were baby shopping, Rob texted me to get some wrapping paper for the kids' Christmas presents. No problem, right? I mean, how hard could that be? Lynn and I found wrapping paper within 5 minutes of the text. We were on our way to the checkout shortly after that.

It wasn't the shopping that was the problem... It was Ryan! He saw the wrapping paper this morning and decided he liked Aurora's pink wrapping paper better than his red wrapping paper. Now, this is the child who loves red. This is also the child who is content with whatever he gets--most of the time. I asked him why he didn't like his red penguin wrapping paper and instead liked Aurora's pink wrapping paper. The answer astounded me:

"Because Aurora's wrapping paper has babies on it."

I looked at him and told him that was too bad. He's getting red wrapping paper with penguins on it. *rolls eyes* I'm NOT going back to the store to exchange wrapping paper because it doesn't have babies on it. For goodness' sakes!

...And he gets paid more than me!

I had my 32 week OB appointment today and because it was colder out this morning, I decided to wear my long-sleeved "Baby by Rob" shirt. I figured somebody at the doctor's office would appreciate it. Boy, was I ever right!

Apparently, one of the OB's there LOVED my shirt and wanted to take a picture of it to send to his wife (?). Whatever, sure you can. So, my nurse placed me in an examination room to wait for the doctor who wanted to take the picture. As we were waiting, Rob sat in the chair next to the door and the two of us were just goofing off until he walked in. The doc looks at my shirt and reads it, "'Baby by Rob'." He looks up at me, "Who's Rob?" Seriously?!?!?

Rob perks up in his chair, all kinds of offended, "I'm Rob!" he says. I about died!!! But, wait, it gets better: The doctor looks at my husband and offers his hand, saying, "I'm Rob, too!" I had to literally shake my head to make sure I heard him right. And then, the doc says "That was awkward." He ended up taking the photo of the shirt, but Rob and I looked at each other afterward and just shook our heads.

This doctor, who has spent the vast majority of his adult life in higher education, deserves the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he really isn't that inept. Our thought was that maybe he didn't see Rob sitting in the chair as he walked past him...? Certainly he should notice a rather large man sitting in a chair in this small exam room. Maybe not, though. Who knows? I mean, this guy gets paid a LOT more than I do and he seemed in this instance to have less brain than me. And, that's saying a lot coming from a pregnant woman!

The famous quote of the day, however, is "I'm Rob!" The look on Rob's face during this exchange was priceless! He was actually offended that the doctor would think that he would come to an appointment like this with a woman who was NOT carrying his baby. If he's not Rob, then who the heck is he and what the heck would he be doing there? Sheesh!

Why? Because I'm acting CRAZY?!?!?

Ryan refused to take a nap after church this afternoon. Instead, he played in his bedroom and then was told to clean up the mess. He did a pretty good job (for a 4 year old) in cleaning up. When he was finished, he came out to the kitchen with every Lightning McQueen toy car he owns. While playing with said cars, he began singing:

We wish we were Merry Christmas,
We wish we were Merry Christmas,
We wish we were Merry Christmas
AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

When he saw that his lyrics were causing us to smile, he began a more animated approach to his singing. Ryan went to the breakfast bar and began jumping up and down while singing his song.

I looked at him while he was doing that and said, "Oh, Bubba, you should have taken a nap today!"

Without missing a beat (or a jump), he asked, "Why? Because I'm acting CRAZY?!?!?"

Hit the nail on the head, didn't he?

Singing to the Feet

I went out and bought 2 maternity shirts this week. My plan was to customize them into this cute idea I saw online. You can see the shirts at right: "Baby by Rob" (Rob is my husband).

I wore the long-sleeved black shirt to work on Friday as my "costume" for Halloween. Whatever works, right?

As I was getting the kids ready for school yesterday, they were just fascinated with the feet on my belly. I guess they had never really thought about there being feet in there. Both kids were really excited at the prospect that there was an actual body living inside of me!!! I saw Ryan's eyes light up and he started to talk to the baby. Aurora was just hanging back watching him, taking it all in. I thought my heart was going to melt--and then Ryan did something that made me just want to freeze the moment in time: He began to sing to the baby! Now, mind you, he's 4 and his lyrics are a little different than most people's.

Hush little baby, don't say a word
Daddy's gonna buy you a 'knocking bird'
If that 'knocking bird' won't sing
Daddy's gonna buy you a diamond ring
If that diamond ring gets fast
Daddy's gonna buy you a 'nooking mask'
If that 'nooking mask' gets broke
Daddy's gonna buy you a billy goat
If that billy goat runs away
Daddy's gonna buy you another day!

The baby was kicking and squirming ever so slightly while he was singing to her. Aurora saw this and when Ryan was finished with his song, she asked to sing her song to the baby. Of course, I said yes! She sang "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" to the baby and lulled her back off to sleep, I guess, because I didn't feel any more kicks for a while. Aurora's song was sung beautifully. She was so proud of herself because she was remembering back to when we brought Ryan home after he was born. She sang "Twinkle, Twinkle" to him the first time she held him and she just can't wait to do the same thing for this baby. Aurora has an amazing knack for singing and she got all the lyrics correct.

Singing to the baby must have really stuck with Ryan. When he woke up this morning, he asked to sing another song to baby Ellie. I smiled and said yes, waiting for him to start singing. His lyrics to "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" went like this:

Baa, baa, black sheep have you any roar
Yes, sir, Yes, sir, 3 bags wolf
One for the master
One for the dame
One for the wolf *mumbles lyrics* DAME!
Baa, baa, black sheep have you any roar
Yes, sir, Yes sir, 3 bags wolf!

It was all I could do to keep from laughing! The mind of a child fascinates me. To him, all these nonsensical lyrics are perfectly legitimate for his song. They kind of rhyme and they fit into the tempo, so what more do we need? I love it!

Ryan, you can sing to baby Ellie whenever you want!

I could (figuratively) wring her neck!!!

My daughter. My firstborn. I do love her. I do.

But, when she takes 15 minutes longer than all the other elementary school children to finally exit the building at the end of her day, I just want to scream.

You see, Aurora has always been pokey--from the time she was born. It took her 3 days to finally emerge from the womb. Yes, you read that right: 3 days!!! From then on, I realized what it meant to have that Fruit of Spirit called "longsuffering". It meant dealing with Aurora's time schedule.

You see, even the most menial tasks take twice as long as they should. For example: Going to the bathroom? Five minutes, MAX, right? No, not for her. She must go stand in front of the mirror, as if to psych herself up for what's to come--or maybe to make sure she looks appropriate for the task, I'm not really sure which. The next time-consuming task is the song she must sing--every time--while on the toilet. And then, of course, there is the washing of the hands... *sigh* Her version of the ABC song (which must be sung twice to get the 20 seconds of hand-washing) is about what I imagine Beyonce's rendition would have sounded like when she was 7. Two minutes into the hand-washing, I am hollering at her to turn off the water.

Now, I know you must be thinking "That's so cute!!!" No! You're wrong! It is exhausting. It was cute when she was 2. It affects her everyday life--especially keeping up with the tempo at school. I don't know what to do about it. We're talking nature vs. nurture here--which even the most brilliant scholars and psychology professors of our time can't figure out! I mean, if highly intelligent, highly educated people can't decide what to do about this sort of thing, surely I'm not going to figure it all out.

In the meantime, I do love my daughter. She is wonderful in so many aspects. She takes her time with things that are important, as well--especially if they're handmade gifts for someone she loves. She is very thoughtful and wants to make sure everything is just perfect. It's very sweet to see how she blesses the lives of others with her thoughtfulness. If only she could do it faster!!!!

Lamenting a Spider

Aurora was all freaked-out that there was a spider in her room. It was a completely harmless spider. We told her to ignore it, especially since spiders eat other bugs. Ryan, who LOVES spiders, went into her room and stood guard over said spider so that she wouldn't kill it.

Well, you know how siblings are... Just out of spite, Aurora killed the spider. Ryan, being all heartbroken over the loss of his newest friend, came up to me with tears in his eyes. "Aurora killed the spider!!! He was my best friend!"

A little dramatic, don't you think?

Ryan is "Too Four-ded"

Ryan was putting shoes on this morning and noticed that his sandals weren't going on his feet. He looked up and said, "These shoes fit me when I was four, but now they don't fit because I'm too four-ded!" (He doesn't turn 5 until the end of December.)

Where do they come up with this stuff?

Ryan's Funny of the Day

It was nap time and I told the kids they could come out at 3:30. At 3:15, Ryan started asking "What minutes do we have?", meaning "How much longer do I have to be holed up in my room?".

At 10 minutes, he counted to 10. "Mommy! I counted all the way up to 10! Can I come out now?" No, Ryan. (He must have gotten distracted for a few minutes, because I didn't hear from him again until 3:27.)

At 3 minutes, he asked again. "Awww, that's a baby number! 1... 2... 3...! Can I come out now?" No, Ryan.

At 2 minutes, he asked again! "That's another baby number," he said and slammed his door shut in disgust.

At 1 minute, I just decided to let the poor boy out!

Aurora's Funny of the Day

We took the kids to Incredible Pizza Company tonight for dinner, thanks to a sweet saint's gift to us this past Sunday. The kids enjoyed their game time and won plenty of tickets. Ryan chose a little monkey and 2 toy dinosaurs as his prizes. Aurora got a wrist band, a spy glass, a fortune-telling cube, and purple vampire teeth--which were the highlight of her evening.

In fact, as I am typing this, Aurora is in the shower WITH the vampire teeth in her mouth. Ryan comes into the bathroom and offers Aurora some toys to play with. Aurora's response?

"Absolutely not! Toys are illegal for vampires!"

Ryan walks out of the bathroom completely dejected.

Ryan's Funny of the Day

Rob was cleaning the living room and Ryan really wanted to pet the rabbit. We told him to wait until after Daddy was vacuuming. As soon as the vacuum turned off, Ryan looked at me and said, "Mommy, do you know what Hershey is?" Puzzled at what his current train of thought could possibly be, I looked at him and asked "What?"

"Hershey is a little black varmint!"

*Oh, my*

My week without the laptop--"Pelee-onagons & Pelee-elograms"

This past week, Rob was in Asheville, NC with his National Sales Meeting. It was a long week, especially since he took the laptop with him! I missed him more than I missed the laptop--which has nothing to do with the fact that I had my trusty cell phone to appease my email and facebook addiction. Promise!

Rob had to leave for the airport at 5:30 a.m. Sunday morning. He would be gone from Sunday morning until late Thursday evening. Here's how our week went:

Day 1 (Sunday):

• Wake everyone up at 5:30 a.m. and expect 2 young children to go back to bed around 6:30 (ha ha!)
• Around 7:30 a.m., I hear a commotion downstairs; Hershey (our bunny) was out of his cage and the dogs were really freaked-out about it! Both dogs are miniature schnauzers and are bred to capture small game animals, like foxes and squirrels and... Rabbits!!!
• My only indoor plant was knocked over in the commotion, depositing black dirt all over the carpet
• Ryan was standing in the midst of everything, saying "It makes the shape of an L, Mommy!" (the dirt fell onto the carpet--you guessed it--in the shape of an L)
• I took a deep breath and told Ryan to go get dressed. Miracle of all miracles, he did just that!
• After Ryan got dressed, he had to go to the bathroom--where he stopped up the toilet!!! Apparently, he thought he needed to use the REST of the roll of toilet paper (there was about 1/4 of the roll left)
• It was not even 9 a.m. at this point
• We did make it to church in one piece. The dirt remained on the carpet until after church and everyone lived through the morning. I must brag on myself because everyone was dressed and fed and hair was brushed and I even looked fairly presentable
• I didn't get to talk to Rob for very long; he was exhausted from his trip

Day 2 (Monday):

• I didn't have to work because it was Columbus Day (I love working for a Credit Union)
• Ryan had NO clean clothes for school this morning *gasp*, so we pulled some clothes out of the hamper that looked the least dirty and made it work
• I decided to take a 2 hour nap in the afternoon (after all, what ELSE was I going to do? Rob had the laptop!)
• Monday night is our in-home Bible study and my house was a mess, so I enlisted teen labor to vacuum the downstairs before everyone got here (thanks, Samantha!)
• The rest of the evening was fairly uneventful, which was REALLY nice!
• I did get to talk to Rob long enough to let him know that we all survived the day

Day 3 (Tuesday):

• Ryan came home from school with quite an interesting report. Did you know that a circle is a "pelee-onagon"? Or that a shape with sides is called a "pelee-elogram"? Me neither! (I can't believe they are teaching 4 year-olds about polygons and parallelograms!)
• My friend, Lynn, came over to help me put the kids to bed. She's such a great help every Tuesday! The kids just love her, too!
• Rob called while Lynn was here, so we didn't get to talk long. At least he knew we were still alive and surviving the week without him (barely)

Day 4 (Wednesday):

• Can I just sigh before I even start this part of the post? Thanks!
• *sigh*
• I was supposed to take my Gestational Diabetes glucose screening test at my 9:50 a.m. appointment, so at 8:40 a.m., I began drinking the Fruit Punch flavored drink they sent home with me. I had to finish the drink within 5 minutes of beginning it.
• At 8:46 a.m. (not joking!) I got a call from the OB's office to inform me that he was in a delivery and I would have to reschedule my appointment. Now, mind you, I HAD to have my blood drawn at 9:45 a.m., no matter what. I rescheduled the appointment for later in the afternoon and quickly called work to reschedule my hours for the day. God love them, work was so amazing about the whole thing. I love my job!
• I went upstairs to get dressed for work and the strangest thing happened--we had an earthquake! No kidding! I was in the bathroom and the whole house started shaking and I didn't even know what to think--at first I thought something had fallen onto our house
• I couldn't find anything wrong with the house, so I headed out the door to get my blood drawn, and for the 3rd time this week I was going to be seen in public with no makeup while wearing my glasses *Oh, well*
• We had church on Wednesday evening and the kids and I ate fast food for dinner
• Rob called and I FINALLY got to sit down and have a meaningful conversation with him

Day 5 (Thursday):

• I asked for the day off weeks ago because I just KNEW this week without Rob was going to be rough--I think I jinxed myself, though
• I got a call very early from the OB's office regarding my glucose test results--I have learned that if I get an afternoon call from the OB regarding test results, then the results were normal... When I get a call early in the morning, not so normal.
• Sure enough, I "failed" my glucose test (like I could study and prepare for it ahead of time, right?) and needed to take a 3 hr test that would begin at 8:30 a.m. and require 12 hour fasting before the start of the test
• The only day in the upcoming weeks that I could fit that in was the very next day; Rob didn't have to go to work early, so he could take the kids to school and I could get to the office by 8:30 a.m. I had to call work--AGAIN!--to reschedule my hours for the 2nd time this week. Again, they were awesome about it.
• The rest of the day went fairly smooth and Rob finally made it home!

As soon as he got home, he asked me to set the laptop up and post the beautiful pictures he took of his time in North Carolina. The fall colors were just starting to show while he was there and he took some beautiful photos of the Blue Ridge Mountains for me. We used to live in those mountains and I miss them every Fall. It was nice to see them again!

All in all, I think the kids and I managed pretty well. At least, as well as a neo-crippled pregnant lady and her 4 and 7 year-old kids could do. Rob came home to a clean(ish) house, which was still standing--in spite of the earthquake on Wednesday.

Sunshine--My Love/Hate Relationship

I have always loved the sunshine. It's so energizing. As a little girl, I used to turn my face toward the sun and imagine that God was smiling down on me; that He was making me beautiful. As a teen, I used to dread the winter months when the sun would only show its shining face for a small part of the day--I would wait so impatiently for Spring and that glorious first day at the beach. As a new mom, I used to say that I was solar-powered. Bright mornings made it so easy to jump out of bed and take on the day; just as easily as dreary, rainy mornings made me want to sleep in!

But, today, that mean old sun is shining judgment and conviction into my house! You see, we have thermal-lined curtains on all our windows to keep the Oklahoma summer heat OUT. Just today, I opened all the curtains and let the sun filter in. I was shocked at what I saw! For months, we have lived in a cave, of sorts, with rather dark rooms. Also, for the same amount of months, I have been restricted in what I can and can't do, due to the nature of this pregnancy. No sweeping, vacuuming, heavy lifting, bending, stooping, squatting, etc. All those things REALLY affect your cleaning abilities!!! When you're a clean-freak, like me, it also messes with your psyche. If it wasn't for the fact that I can pick objects up off the floor with my toes (in a rather monkey-like fashion), I would feel completely useless around my house. I find myself longing to pull out my vacuum and just have a heyday! And, when people on facebook complain about "having" to do their housework, I become slightly--and irrationally--offended!

My poor husband. I really do feel bad for him. I've GOT to give him props! I don't know how he does it all. He works 40-50 hrs/wk, comes home to cook dinner, and somewhere in all that business does the laundry and cleaning, too! And, he's done a GREAT job of it! I'm just a little more neurotic than he is. Rob doesn't see the crumbs on the counter tops, or in the corners of the kitchen. He doesn't see the sheen of every sticky spot on every surface (like I do). After all, none of it is nuclear. It doesn't threaten to rise up in mutiny against my family. Why bother?

I don't know! I was a housewife/Stay-at-Home-Mom for 7 years. The house always looked the way I wanted it to look! It never (ok, rarely... OK, seldom) looked like this!!! My carpets are shot! My couches sure could use a good upholstery cleaning. Everything is dusty, including the ceiling fans--which are, as I type this, blowing MORE dust onto my already-beyond-hope mantle. (Just for the record, I can dust. I just haven't out of self-pity. That's not Rob's fault!)

So why do I bother? Nobody else in my family seems to notice the inch of dust that has accumulated on the mantle. Nor do they notice the dirt on the floor boards or cabinet doors and drawers. So, why does it bother me so? And, why is this sunshine torturing me instead of giving me the ability to enjoy this beautiful day that God has made?

Perhaps I'm just getting a little stir-crazy. I'm sure here in a couple of months I will be complaining about having to do SO MUCH laundry, or how often I actually have to vacuum in a given week. And, nobody will notice that I do it then, either!

In the meantime, I do still have my monkey-toes and my Swiffer dusters. I can still pick up large objects from the floor with an awkward toe-snatching and run a feather-light duster across my mantle. You know what makes it all better, though? When the kids come in after I pick up and say things like, "Where did all my toys go?!?!?" Yes! They noticed! Sweet, sweet victory!!!

The Delta Burke Collection

"That is it! I've HAD it with being pregnant! I am NOT doing this again!!!"

I think I've said those things during the final trimester of ALL of my pregnancies. And, each of those statements was true the exact moment I said them. After I had Aurora, I was NOT going to have another baby. No way, no how! Until I wanted Ryan. After I had Ryan, I was sure I wanted Rob to go get that dreadful "snip-snip" surgery to ensure I never had to go through that again.

But, here I am, nearing my 3rd trimester, and once again I think I found the last straw!

You see, being pregnant changes your entire DNA. I'm not kidding. It's like the baby somehow fuses with your genetic makeup and mutates you into this monstrous being. I don't ever remember behaving like that in public BEFORE I was pregnant. I don't ever remember thinking to myself "Yes, salad sounds good, but I must have Fruit Roll-Ups to go with it... And they MUST be red!" Yes, I do believe I have lost all control of my being.

Yesterday I had the day off work. I've been squeezing myself into my pre-pregnancy bras for long enough. It was time to give those tired pups a much-needed and well-deserved vacation. *sigh* Before I go any further, let me just say that I am not a bling-mama. My bras don't have to be animal print or BeDazzled. They just have to function and look pretty on their own.

Past-tense. I should have made those last statements past-tense. No longer am I the proud owner of pretty little bras. I now own BAZONGA BRAS! Ok. So I just have one, for now. But, there will be many more to come.

...Back to my story about yesterday. I woke up and decided that the need for doubled-up support was getting out of hand. So, I dropped the kids off at school and headed out to the store. I had no idea what I was about to get myself into. Not a clue! While scouring racks and racks of misplaced bras, I began pulling out the ones I thought were "cute". Read that as "the ones that USED to fit me"! Having resigned myself to the fact that many of the bras I pulled off the rack were just a tad itty-bitty, I began to branch out in sizes. I pulled out a variety of bras and headed to the Fitting Rooms.

Now, if you speak to ANY woman, she will agree with me: Trying on bras is terrifying. Especially when the Fitting Room doors HAVE NO LOCKS!!! Argh! But, I mustered up all my strength by thinking "Ha! The joke's on you if you have to see my out-to-here-pregnant shape!" I hadn't paid much attention to the labels on the items I had picked out. You see, I was desperate for a well-fitted topside and failed to notice that HALF of the bras I picked out were from the Delta Burke line! *gasp*

For those of you who don't know me, I am not a Delta Burke size--normally. But, nothing about this pregnancy has been normal.

Once it was all said and done, I scooped up all my "discards" and headed to the register with my 1 item (yes, all that for ONE). I was rather proud of my purchase, however. It was pretty (for a BAZONGA bra) and it only cost $6.50 with all the discounts and coupons I had.

So, in spite of my Delta Burke experience, the ladies are happy today. My ego is shot, but if my other 2 childbirthing experiences have taught me anything, I've got a lot more ego-hammering to look forward to.