What year is it?

I am so ashamed.

This morning, Ryan shocked me with an out-of-place behavior. Let me set the stage:

It's 2011. Our President is black. One (yes, just one!) of Ryan's classmates is black--well, the boy's mother is white, but his father and grandmother are African American. We see them frequently at the school and Ryan has never said anything about their appearance.

Rob and I have had many friends in our younger years who were African American, so we are certainly not racist/prejudiced/bigoted. However, Virginia had a much higher African American community; Oklahoma is VERY white. Especially the area of Oklahoma in which we live.

I drop the kids off at a cross walk outside of the school every morning. They feel big when they cross the street. Usually, the crossing guard is a very old white man. Every now and again, there is a substitute crossing guard. This morning, the substitute was a very old black man with very dark skin. Ryan took one look at him and decided he didn't want to cross there.

"Drop me off at the front of the school, Mommy!" he said.

"Why, Ryan? Just get out with your sister." I had no idea what was wrong with him.

"He looks weird." Ryan said.

"He just has a different color skin, Ryan." Aurora chimed in.

"Ryan, he's just a person--like you and me. You don't need to think any differently about him than you do about anyone else." I tried to calm him down with logic, but it didn't seem to be working.

"I just don't want to get out here, Mommy!" Ryan slumped down in his seat.

I turned the car off, completely prepared to walk across the street with Ryan to calm him down. I couldn't believe this was happening! I don't know what made him feel better, but he put his backpack on and stepped out of the car. Aurora held his hand--that is, until Ryan took his hands from her and made blinders on each side of his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at the crossing guard. I shook my head, tears welling up in my eyes. What have we done wrong here?

I thought about this man's life. He was old enough that he would have been an adult in his mid-thirties during the 1960s. This man watched Martin Luther King, Jr. march into Washington and set the stage for desegregation and equal rights. Maybe he even campaigned for the Civil Rights movement. My 5 year old didn't know about any of that.

Aurora knows. Ryan will know this, too. We must teach our children of the past so that the mistakes that were made will not be repeated. It must not be repeated.

My Mind is Racing!!

I have so many topics of Blog Posts running through my head. Perhaps just getting them out here and posting them will help me get things in order...

Professional Family Photos:

We had professional family photos taken last week. They were fantastic, and as soon as I get my act together, I am going to post them here with the information for the photographer's website. She was amazing with the kids and I am so pleased with my photos.

Tornadoes:

The tornado season this year has been horrible. My heart goes out to all the families who have lost loved ones--especially the ones who lost children. There are so many facebook pages popping up about children who have not been found yet. I don't even want to think about what could have happened to those children. My mind wants to envision Jesus coming down in the center of the tornado and pulling them to Him--much like pulling Elijah up to Heaven via Chariots of Fire. But, then again, my mind wants to envision these families reunited with those children and loved ones here on Earth in a miraculous fashion.

Scrapbooking:

I went scrapbooking last weekend and caught the "Scrapbooking Bug". Getting all the old photos together made me aware of how much all the kids look just like Rob did as a youngster. *sigh* Guess Ellie doesn't look as much like me as I had hoped. She did escape the Rose head shape, though. I don't know how to describe it. I guess when I finally blog about this you'll just have to see the photos for yourself. She looks almost identical to what Aurora did at her age. Again, the head shape is different, but the facial features are VERY similar.

Rob's Birthday Presents:

Rob's birthday was yesterday. As I am typing this out, I am listening to him play the Freestyle Drums on his birthday present: Rock Band: Beatles Edition for the Xbox 360. Yeah, that was a great gift! Aurora, Ryan and I can play along with him. My mom also got him a new pasta press--with a ravioli attachment. Who's happy about that? This girl, right here!! I love his ravioli and if this makes it easy for him to make it, I'm gonna be getting ravioli a lot more often! Yes!!!

No Substitutions, Replacements or Refunds:

My final blog subject was going to be about how Ellie is NOT a replacement or substitution for the babies I lost to miscarriage. I don't know what set me off today, but I had this VERY long thought process about how some people look at Elliana and see her as God's apology to me for the miscarriages. THAT ought to be an interesting blog. Perhaps I will get some comments, perhaps not. That's not really what I do this for. It's really just a way to give you an excuse to not have to go clean your kitchen or bathroom. You're welcome!

So, be prepared in the coming days/weeks for multiple random thoughts--a la Beth.

The Nutella Monster

Ryan has had a couple of funny looking mustaches lately. I thought he had been getting into my Reese's Peanut Butter Cups (which are my favorite, btw). Until this morning when I caught him red-handed with this...

I have been wondering why the Nutella hasn't been lasting as long as it used to. Apparently, he's done this more than once. He would wash the bowl and spoon out in the bathroom sink and hide them in his room. Since he wakes up before we do (he actually wakes up before the crack of dawn), he goes and sneaks it first, then comes upstairs.

I used this amount of Nutella to make their sandwiches today. Waste not, want not!

Ryan Takes a Peek

I'm wearing one of my nursing shirts today. It's a little bit more low-cut than the other ones that I have, but I've never been bothered by it--that is, until today! It probably doesn't help that my new nursing bra helps lift and support the ladies better than my other bras... Trouble ensued.

I was getting Ryan dressed for school this morning and I noticed he kept looking down my shirt in a not-too-subtle manner. After a few seconds of ogling the dark recesses thereof, he tried to stick his hand in there. I didn't freak out, I just gently removed his hand and asked him what he was doing.

"I'm just looking." He said with a big smile. Yeah, well, look with your eyes and keep your hands to yourself, boy! It's not like he hasn't seen the contents numerous times a day for the last 4 months. I mean, I don't shrink into some dark hole to nurse the baby. Ryan has seen me feed Ellie plenty of times. I guess his curiosity just got the best of him today.

What am I going to do with this boy?

Yesterday's Funny of the Day

Ryan has been watching Super Hero Squad a lot lately. As a result, Aurora has been watching it, too. Last night, they had a conversation about the superheroes that went a little something like this:

Ryan: Are superheroes real?

Aurora: No, I don't think so. The only person with super powers that I know of is God.

Ryan: Yeah. He has the power of love.

Rob and I looked at each other and just smiled. I thought I was going to melt with the absolute sweetness that was oozing from my children. It kind of makes me wonder: Why don't we, as adults, ever think about stuff in that way?

My Mother--by Ryan

Ryan brought home a paper from Pre-K on Friday. While looking through his backpack tonight in preparation for school tomorrow morning, I found a note titled "My Mother". These are Ryan's own words:

"My mom is the most wonderful mom in the world! Her name is Helen. She is pretty as a lady. She is 36 years old. She has blue eyes and grey hair. She weighs 47 pounds and is 47 feet tall. Her favorite food is macaroni and cheese. When she was little she used to eat pizza. I think mom is funny when she takes Hershey out of the cage. But, I know she is really angry when I disobey. I wouldn't trade my mom for pizza for dinner. I love my mom because she loves me! Happy Mother's Day, Mom! Love, Ryan"

Isn't it amazing how they see the world?

Aurora's FOD (Funny of the Day)

Aurora's room looked like the Tazmanian Devil took a spin through it. I let her know last night before bed that she would have to clean it after school today. (I have to give nearly 24 hours of notice to psych her up for the task.) So, today when she got home she made sure to set the stage for proper bedroom cleaning:

"Closed for cleaning"

The Farm

Maybe your parents used this excuse with you, maybe they didn't. Unfortunately, yesterday I had to tell my children Salty found a new home on a farm. I don't know how I got through it without crying, but somehow I made it sound positive enough that they accepted his new home. Ryan said "Now he can bite and kill all the wolves to save the farm animals!" I have wonderful kids.

You see, Salty C. Dog has bitten 4 different people. Three of those people, he drew blood with his bites. One person has a lasting scar. I called a bunch of different animal rescue organizations. When I mentioned his past offenses, no one would touch him. All they would say is that it was too much of a liability and most dogs like that can't be trained out of biting. I was devastated. He couldn't stay here; he's bitten Ryan and he charged at Aurora as though he was going to bite her. I was afraid of putting the baby on the ground, afraid that she would move in a way that would set Salty off.

A couple of the rescue people advised me to other rescue people. After talking to the 5th rescue, I was frustrated and asked what my other options were. The person on the phone said the most shocking thing: "Maybe you'll have to put him down." This was a rescue group. They work so hard to ensure this sort of thing doesn't have to happen! What?!?!?!?

After a week more of debating and hoping for another option to fall into our laps, the decision had to be made. I was bit by a dog at age 9. I'll be darned if I allow that to happen to my children--or anyone else's child ever again. It was the worst decision to have to be made. Salty had to be put down. I cried.

Yesterday, Rob and I placed Salty in a carrier and sent him off to his final moments. I couldn't believe this was happening. Every moment seemed to break my heart. He didn't want to go in the carrier; it was as if he knew what was going to happen to him. We took his collar off and hugged him. He really was a good dog. All that he had been through--the terrible reason he ended up in the shelter we got him from, the scar left on his backside and the pain it caused him when the temperature changed drastically--none of that seemed to stop his tail from wagging. I don't know why he bit people. Nobody he ever bit was ever attacking him or even paying any attention to him, but he charged after them viciously. It was as though a switch flipped in his brain. I wish it had never happened. I miss my dog!

The house seems so lonely without him. Sassy has been looking all over for him; that's the hardest. She went outside after he left and kept sniffing for him. Then, when she came in, she laid down on his bed and seemed so depressed. Coming home from running errands is different now, too. Sassy is not as vocal about our return as Salty was. I just hope we can do better by Sassy. I feel like we let Salty down. As though we just didn't have what it took for him to be a great dog.

We loved you, Salty. I'm so sorry it came to this :(