My step-dad left when I was 17 and we haven't spoken since. Now, to be completely honest and completely transparent, my attitude was "good riddance". If he did try to make amends with me, I wasn't having it. Had I put my pride aside and realized that--for 14 years of my life--this man had helped mold me into the woman I am today, I might still have a relationship with him. However, I am too stubborn to ever have done something like that. Do I regret it? Sometimes. Having put up with me as a child/teenager ought to qualify every authority figure in my life for sainthood. To put it mildly, I wasn't exactly easy to get along with.
I did finally meet my biological father when I was 20. I searched for him and found him in 1 day! It was amazing. I decided one day that I wanted to find him, so I called my mom and asked her how she thought I should go about doing so. She miraculously recalled his Social Security Number (being a military wife, you have to commit that to memory) and told me to try the Air Force Locator Hotline. So, I did. They had me in contact with his Reserve Unit and the next day, we were talking.
It was neat to see all the things we had in common. It was also really great to meet him, finally. It has been nearly 10 years since that first encounter. Of course, with that much break in the nurture cycle that humans so desperately live by, our relationship has never really strengthened.
I do not harbor any anger or resentment toward either of my "dads" anymore, but I sure used to! It was hard growing up and feeling like I wasn't good enough for the men of my life. And, we all hear and see the stories about young girls who are just looking for a Father Example in their lives--and how they try to find it in young men, older men, married men, abusive men, and anyone else who will fill that hole in their lives. I fell into that trap, dating a few boys who were just completely wrong for me. I sold myself short and never made them aware of my full worth. Heck, I was just glad to have someone pay any kind of attention to me, no matter how little or meaningless it was. And, trust me, to them it was completely meaningless!
I will never forget Ms. Caroline Trumble, that CRAZY black lady I worked with. She loved Jesus. And, I don't mean that cuckoo kind of loving Jesus where she goes around telling people that Santa Claus is wrong and the Easter Bunny is pagan. I mean that puppy love kind of Jesus-loving that you always hear about but only get to see once out of every 100,000 Christians you come in contact with. I still haven't met anyone who loved Jesus as much as Miss Caroline. She introduced me to Him and I have never been the same since. I guarantee you, of all the stars in that woman's crown, I am probably the smallest, but my star is there!!!
Miss Caroline talked about Jesus in such a way that I swore He was gonna pop right out of one of the aisles of the Eckerd Drug Store in which we worked and give her a big smooch on the cheek! Thanks to her love for Him, I am blessed to be called by Him as His Own Dear One. She would balk at that and swear it was all Jesus--and that is true--but I would never have seen LOVE if it wasn't for her Love for Him. He really was her All in All.
I'll never forget the first time I heard God referred to as "Our Father". I seriously did a double-take. Then, someone explained how He is my Perfect Father, pointing out all the promises He makes in His Word. As this post is already long-winded enough, suffice it to say that I was so naive as to what a father should look like that it blew me away. It has been many years now since I began pondering this truth. I don't know if I'll ever truly grasp what it means for God to be my "Heavenly Father"--and, may I be bold enough to say that, many people who have had wonderful earthly fathers may never truly grasp this concept, either.
Most of what I see of a good father, I have learned from watching my husband with our children. Now, Rob is not perfect (although, he's pretty durn close!), so don't think that I'm replacing God with him here, please! However, I see how enamored Rob is with our 3 children and how much he sacrifices to spend time with them. I love watching them respond to the sweet care he gives--the times where he participates in one of Aurora's plays that she writes, or how he plays Super Hero Squad Squinkies with Ryan, or how he makes Elliana light up with just a simple "Hello!". It's amazing how they respond to him and how he delights in them. He delights in them. Rob also sings over them. He has a special song he's made up for each of the children. It's like their own theme music. Hmmmm.... I'm seeing a pattern here: So, Rob loves his children, sacrifices for his children, invokes a response from his children, delights over his children and he sings over them. All this is done with much joy.
I know another Father who does all this for His children. My God loves me and sacrificed for me (John 3:16, Rev 1:5). Because of His Great Love, I couldn't help but respond to Him; he invoked a response from me (Acts 16:14). I am His and He delights over me (Ps 35:27, Ps 37:23, Ps 147:11 and many more). And, finally, God sings over me with a great joy (Zeph 3:17--I can't wait to hear God's theme song for my life). He does all this because I am His child; He is my Father.
This Father's Day I am grateful for my husband, who loves our children with his whole being. I am grateful that Rob has such a great love for God that he, unknowingly, exemplifies the love of Christ in our home. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for opening my blind eyes and healing a heart of stone forged by many years of paternal neglect or mistreatment. Mostly, I am grateful for the Love given to me by God the Father, through Jesus Christ His Son, and for the daily hug I receive from the Comforter, the Holy Spirit now dwelling in me!
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